The Highlights

MOST CLIQUEY QUOTE:  "I love yoooooouu! Mind the gap, chkn brgr, no 'erbs. blah blah blah blah blah!!!!"

WORST PLACE TO GO:  Gordon's Bar

MOST OVERUSED QUOTES:

Who am I?

I've got a link

What episode of E.R.....

While you are up, get us a beer

Is anyone hungry?

God, it's hot - and boy is it going to get hotter!!

What are we doing today then?

MOST MEMORABLE QUOTE: "Feel my arse"

BEST GAME: Sitting on the floor (in the pool)

PERSON ON THE BIGGEST WINNING STREAK:  Lisa

SKANKIEST PERSON: Lisa

BEST IMPRESSION OF PHOEBE:  Gillian

CHEAPEST ALCOHOL:  1 litre of wine - 40p

PERSON WHO PASSED OUT THE MOST:  Gillian

BEST NIGHT OUT:  24th July - my birthday

NUMBER OF ESSEX PEOPLE SPOTTED:  3 million

MOST WORN T-SHIRT:  Jo's Essex T-Shirt

Day 15: Tue 29th July 1997

This was the day we left Spain and headed for home.  This meant we had to get up at 5.30am - no mean task for people more used to getting up at times much closer to 5.30pm.  After having a weird small Spanish man mumble around our flat, we were finally given back our deposit before he rushed off at the speed of lightning.  When we got our bags outside to wait for the coach we were shunned by the other people waiting.  Obviously if you aren't stupid and are young then you're not worth talking too.  So we sat in silence listening to them all complain about Spanish people not making an effort to speak English - "I said bread and butter, I SAID BREAD AND BUTTER!!!"

When we reached the airport, despite it still being only about 8am, Jo felt the need for beer.  After a bit of Essex spotting at the airport and on the plane we arrived back at Gatwick.  After nearly killing Jo with a trolley, I spotted my taxi driver so had to say a quick goodbye.  It was the end of our holiday and I just have to say it was absolutely brilliant and one of the best times I have ever had.

Day 14: Mon 28th July 1997

LAST DAY...........  aaaaarrrggggghhhhh!!!!! Again we missed the morning and got up at around 12pm.  After slowly getting ready, we hit the shops souvenir hunting.  I had no success at all - sorry Peter, b=no straw donkey or sombrero.  Jo had the most success, managing to find something for everyone.  Lisa is going to try for a second attempt - I quite frankly, can't be bothered.

For the last time we went to the beach where we posed for Baywatch photos, swam in the very warm sea, (either the weather is hotter or a helluva a lot of people peed in it today!), and basically put off going to the flat for hours.  This meant that we left the beach at around 7pm.  Our swimming and sunbathing however did not end there - we went to the pool.  Again the water was very warm - there must be a phantom wee-er on the loose!  After that me and Joanna went for food.  We found the nicest Spanish person so far and really wished we had found him sooner!  After a few drinks and yet more conversations not involving films we began the immense task of packing.  It is a bit difficult when a lot of things were wet but I have done it.  It is an early start tomorrow, so we are having an earlyish night.

Day 13: Sun 27th July 1997

We did it!!! We actually did it!!  The alarm went off and I got up.  Jo was already awake, but she is weird.  The only problem was Lisa.  Lisa had been a bit ill for the last  couple of days, and the fact that she felt worse, combined with it actually being the morning and not the afternoon, and combined with the thought of facing roller coaster rides and queues, she made her decision and grunted it to us from her sick bed on the floor.  So Jo and I set off on a little adventure involving Spanish public transport, incredibly stupid ticket booth workers, (she thought Jo was actually Spanish!), long queues, death defying rides, a journey around the world and a remake of the Jurassic Park shop - but worse.  At Port Adventura our first ride was the Tatuki Splash in Polynesia.  This was a kind of log flume involving volcanoes.  The queue was 30mins long and Jo and I ended up right at the front of the boat.  It was an excellent ride and we ended up absolutely drenched - maybe we should have followed the cling film wrapped woman's advice!  When we looked at the photo, Jo had a brilliant G-Force face.  We then went to The Wild West for a stunt show, however, it was a farce - quite literally.  After a disappointing ride of the rapids we had excellent success on everything else.  We only avoided the kiddie rides, The Dragon Khan, (the biggest roller coaster in Europe), and a Mary Rose type ride.  The only other thing we had to queue for was the log flume  - again a half hour wait.  Again we were at the front of the boat, and again we were drenched!!! I had a life changing experience by going on all the rides - you never know, I might one day go on the Dragon Khan - Jo tried her best to make me.

On the way back we were nearly trapped on the bus - the bus driver didn't seem to want to let us off.  I think the only reason we escaped was because he had to stop to let someone on.  When we saw our chance we seized it and jumped off.  When we got back Lisa was much better, and out of bed.  After a couple of hours of doing nothing we had a spontaneous photo session.  With the aid of my timer we re-enacted film and TV scenes, and also created our own surreal and just plain stupid poses.  In order to do this a lot of running around, adjusting things and rearranging furniture was required.  This was completely exhausting - especially running down the stairs in my pyjamas for Evita.  So, after the photo session we all went to bed ready for our lats day tomorrow.

Day 12: Sat 26th July 1997

Today was another day of sitting/lying around in bed for absolutely ages.  Our plan for today was to go to the aqua park in the afternoon, (it's cheaper!), which means being there at 3pm.  We nearly missed this because it was so enjoyable being in bed.  In the end, because I still hadn't got up, Jo and Lisa went to the bank and shop while I got up.  When they got back we got ready and headed for a new adventure at the aqua park, (remember the corny trend from day 1?!!??!).  This time we made it onto The Black Hole, which has now been rated as the best ride along with Aquamania.  We also discovered an advantage in queuing from the 2 person only rule, although it did require someone being a Norma for a while, (Jo and Lisa fit the role perfectly!).

On the way back to the flat after the park had closed we found the bus stop and a way of getting to Port Adventura.  The night consisted of deep and meaningful talks, beer and shock horror, no film quotes - what is going on!??!  Have we found depth at last?  Finally, Lisa and Joanna collapsed so we had to go to bed.  I think it might be a good idea because it is 2am, and seeing as our average time for getting up is 2pm and we have to get up at 10am, we need the sleep.  It is a major challenge to actually get up in the morning - but I think we might just cope.

Day 11: Fri 25th July 1997

It is 5pm and we are still in bed.  If there was any possible way we could send someone out for food without us having to move we would do it.  We have actually been awake since 12pm.  Lisa joined us for about an hour in the clothes she was wearing last night but has since gone and collapsed.  Me and Jo have passed the time doing film links.  We will have to get up soon as the food situation, (and alcohol), is getting desperate.  The film links are now getting too obscure.  The last one was Keanu Reeves to Rikki Lake, (Rikki Lake - Serial Mom - Kathleen Turner - Voice of Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit - Bob Hoskins - Mario Brothers - Dennis Hopper - Speed - Keanu Reeves).  At 6pm we finally gave in to the no food situation.  Lisa still couldn't manage to move, so we left her in a zombie like state, and ventured out to the bank and shop.  However, this was obviously too much for Joanna as around 45 mins after returning to the flat she joined Lisa in the zombie look-a-like competition.  When they both rejoined consciousness we began the film link game again.  The plan to return to La Pacha disintegrated into sitting around talking about E.R. and films.  However, two litres of beer was still consumed, and Lisa, although now moving can not face alcohol or food.  Even on our quiet nights we consume vast amounts of alcohol - I dread the day it all catches up with me and I get a hangover, (you never know I might beat Lisa in the zombie look-a-like competition).

P.S. Joanna found the bargain of the century - a litre of wine for 40p.  My guess is as soon as it touches her lips they will melt off.  She is risking her life for a cheap drink - some people are so brave.

P.P.S.  Lisa is continuing to try and win all competitions, so much so she is now inventing her own contests.  This time it is "Who can wear the same top the longest".  She put it on to go out last night and hasn't changed since, (that is over 24 hours) - hmmmm what is that smell?!?!?

Day 10: Thu 24th July 1997

It is my birthday!!! I am 21!!!!  We drank, we went out at 11.30pm, we got back much later!!!!!!

Day 9: Wed 23rd July 1997

Once again we have managed not to post the post cards.  I think in order to do that, we have to actually be awake in the morning.  However, we did manage to get up a lot earlier than yesterday.  We started our day with the usual trip to the shop for the basics - alcohol.  Joanna has all of a sudden become sophisticated and progressed  from the cheap sangria to the still cheap, but slightly more expensive wine.  Lisa has also progressed, now instead of having to keep going to the fridge for another bottle of beer she has just one giant bottle.  And I was shocked to discover my Schnapps has gone up about 200 potatoes, now that is inflation!!  Now after our usual baguette for lunch we have come down to the pool, I nearly thought we were not going to make it though as Jo and Lisa got stuck talking about E.R. - a simple solution though.  Carry on talking about it by the pool).  At about 6.30pm we realised we should be drinking, so we returned to the flat for drink and of course food.  A beautiful gourmet meal of chips and pasta.  After that, at about 10.30pm we got our glad rags on and headed for La Pineda Drink.  It was a tad strange because almost all of it was shut.  However, we persevered and everywhere soon opened.  And now it is my birthday - I am 21.

Day 8: Tue 22nd July 1997

This time I was first to get up.  We are definitely getting up later.  It was 12.20pm and the only reason I got up was to sort out my mouth, (when you throw up you tend to forget to clean your teeth).  OK, I lied, I got up at 12.20pm and I joined Lisa on her bed, where we stayed until 3.20pm.  This time involved sleep, crosswords, pillow fights and thigh slapping, (there was good reason - honest!!).  We finally made it out with a list of things to do but didn't manage to accomplish any of them.  On the way back we decided to eat out.  For some unknown reason, (maybe they have a tractor beam to pull us in with), we ended up at Gordon's - we will not return, (tractor beam permitting).  The service at Gordon's was not exactly the best in the world, and Spanish sirloin steaks taste like pork.  Due to an extremely lazy day and the heavy drinking session the night before we are now not going to do anything tonight.

Day 7: Mon 21st July 1997

We were awoken by a noise which can only be described as a mixture of a volcano erupting, a T-Rex approaching, the M25 being built and a large chimney stack being demolished.  However, it wasn't any of these, it was a lawnmower.  The grass seems like any other grass so I am not quite sure why they need a lawnmower so powerful it breaks the sound barrier.  Anyway it meant we actually got up.  However, to get us actually moving we need Spanish cleaners to come in and attem

Day 6: Sun 20th July 1997

Everyday we get up later than the day before.  At this rate we will never actually make it out of bed at all.  Today though is of course Sunday so it's allowed.  When we got up we went to the pool.  We seem to be able to have endless fun seeing who can sit on the bottom of the pool the longest and who can do the best handstands.  We are having a lot more fun than it sounds - honest!!!  After sunbathing, reading, watching the people around us and sitting on the pool floor the hunger pangs struck.  Hunger seems to be hovering just around the corner the entire time here, it just seems to be a battle of the wills over who will cave first and admit they're hungry.  After I finally caved, we left the pool and headed to the shop to again buy the essentials.  A new item on the list of essentials is the apple schnapps - at just over £2.50 I think it should head every one's shopping list, even the Sangria can't compete with that.  It is a strange world when 3 litres of cheap Spanish wine becomes too expensive compared to a bottle of liquor.  We returned to the flat to eat and prepare for The British Quiz Night later on.

The British Quiz Night never actually happened.  For once we managed to get out of the flat at the time we had arranged, meaning we were a whole hour early for the quiz.  However, instead of a quiz we were subjected to an incredibly crap Brummie DJ, hoards of kids - most of which were smoking and drinking, and a general feeling of being too old.  So after a while, feeling a bit merry we went to Gordon's.  We stayed at Gordon's for only one drink, but then we didn't really need anymore than that.  We also again succeeded in confusing the waiter, this time by Jo rambling very loudly about straws and jealousy.  After Gordon's we did what any normal 20 something year old girl on holiday would do - we played Crazy Golf.  It was a tense and exciting game, resulting in a win for Lisa.

Day 5: Sat 19th July 1997

We all slept crap because we are burnt to fuck, (Jo dictated - sorry mum!!).  Despite sleeping badly we still managed to not get up until around 1pm.  We went to the shop to buy the essentials - bread, pizza, crisps, chocolate, beer, Malibu, apple schnapps, alcohol, alcohol, alcohol.  We returned to the flat to drink, having decided the day before that more sun was probably a bad idea.  Lisa's lips are causing her problems and also she has become very familiar with my back.  Basically we drank the afternoon/evening away.  We love, (Jo and Me), apple schnapps - it's cheap, it's alcoholic, it's easy to drink and I've drunk a lot of it!!!!!!!!!!

Day 4: Fri 18th July 1997

After ignoring the alarm and waking up an hour late we sorted ourselves out and headed for Aquapolis.  A pretty good water park, made even better by short queues.  A major life-changing experience occurred - this time for Jo.  She ate a hot dog, due to the lack of veggie options, i.e. there weren't any.  We went on all but two rides, one because it was too scary, and one because the queue was too long.  The 6 hours there resulted in me getting even more burnt and Joanna abandoning her traditional white and instead has opted for ouchy pink.  If any old age pensioners are cold I will hire my face for heating.  A couple of hours of drinking, writing postcards and pouring Sangria over postcards led to the inevitable - The Daily Mail crossword.  And then of course........  we drank some more.

Day 3: Thu 17th July 1997

After eventually getting up, in the same clothes as I collapsed on the bed with the previous night, we cracked open the beers.  Jo was obviously gagging for alcohol as hers went down a bit quick for the time of day.  After an uneventful period of sitting around doing nothing but drinking and eating, (nothing wrong with that!!), we headed for the pool.

The time in the pool was a life changing experience for Lisa.  Did she reveal her true sexuality??
Did she claim to be an alcoholic?? Did she reveal she was married with two kids?? Did she discover an amazing talent that she can tour the world with in a circus??!!!?...........  NO!!, she opened her eyes under water, DAH DAH DAAAAAAHH!!!!!!  The pool was actually quite empty so we did our best to dominate it by seeing who could sit on the bottom the longest.  When this idea grew tiresome we used money as an incentive.  It was also a way of utilising Lisa's new found talent.  This didn't actually last very long though as Spanish coins have a weird element in their make-up which makes them invisible when they get wet.

We decided to leave the pool when we discovered we hadn't had any alcohol for at least 3 hours, (or 3 million, depending on who you talk to).  When we returned to the flat and had a drink in our hands, Lisa and Jo revealed their culinary talents.  Lisa can cook hot dogs, (with her eyes open!!), and Jo cooked pasta and pancakes - what a mouth-watering experience, luckily we had Sangria and beer to wash it down with.

Finally we made it out.  Our first destination was Gordon's Bar.  I'm not sure if Gordon was in, but he did have a list of cocktails that his waiters had never heard off.  It didn't seem to matter though as we got some form of alcohol which was very nice, (although Jo got a straw and I didn't!).  We then ventured out to Pineda Drink.  This is a long row of bars all blasting out different music, a version of the Wiv Run, (Essex Alumni will get that reference), but bigger and less walking and probably cheaper.  We finally returned home and collapsed.  It is never difficult to sleep if you drink enough.

Day 2: Wed 16th July 1997

First official day............... We woke up, we went to the beach, we got drunk............. We got told to keep the noise down... "blah blah blah blah blah blah", said the Spanish woman.  Isn't alcohol cheap?!?!?!??!?!??!

Day 1: Tues 15th July 1997

It was a joyous moment as the taxi arrived, the rain came down.  The journey to Gatwick was uneventful, although Lisa and Jo did manage to achieve a level of hyperactivity unaided by alcohol that I have never witnessed before.  We arrived at the airport, Britain's second largest and one of the worlds busiest only to find everyone else was much more sensible and was home in bed, (after all it was 3.45am).  It turned out the extra hour needed for our paperwork actually only took 2 seconds.  We therefor descended on the food.  After sitting around for 3.5 hours and consuming dodgy baguettes we finally boarded the plane.

Lisa's hyperactivity quickly turned in hyper inactivity, only to be interrupted by puke - some of which went in the bag.  My first flight was basically boring.  I wasn't really scared but I was disappointed to miss out on a tour of the cockpit to a six year old.  The in flight entertainment was provided by the latest BT Friends and Family reunion.

When we finally landed at Reus we thought the journey had at last ended.  We soon discovered however, that to have a nice relaxing holiday you have to first compete in the battle of the suitcases.  Lives were nearly lost but Jo saved a little boy and he lives to fight another day.  Meanwhile my shins were losing out in their bid to stay bruise free.  To make matters worse, there wasn't even a cuddly toy.

To be consistent with the rest of our luck we were the last people to be taken to our apartment.  We therefore, were forced to have a tour of the local receptions of hotels whilst the luckier holiday makers got to actually move in.  When we finally arrived we were pleasantly surprised to find a really nice flat great facilities, (even a washing machine!!).  However, this was short lived as we soon discovered there was a bed short.  This will hopefully be sorted out tomorrow.  After a quick trip to the supermarket we soon settled in, even managing to establish a medicine corner.

We then sampled the local Sangria....................... However, this didn't last long and we decided to go for a paddle on the beach, (or as I called it, a baddle on the peach).  We managed to refrain ourselves from paddling, (or baddling), and instead checked out the local sites.  The bars along the beach looked really cool.  After we decided there was no possible way we could wander around anymore we returned to the flat to continue drinking.  It was during this time we discovered the third bed.  Now we just have the fun of arguing over who sleeps where and when.  After 36 hours of being awake and about 19 hours of fighting off the sleep we have nicely mellowed in the Spanish moonlight......................... And started a new trend of crap lines.